Why does money feel so hard?

You have to look at your finances. You know things are getting out of hand because:

• the reminder letters have started arriving

• you dread thinking what the credit card bill will be this month

• and prices are going up everywhere

And yet today goes by without you even thinking about money.

Instead you:

• download a new yoga app to help you sleep,

• get excited by a sale on childrens clothes and

• buy a cuddly toy to help with your dog's seperation anxiety.

Then in the middle of the night you wake up with your heart racing and promise yourself tomorrow "I will look at my finances".

“Why does money feel hard?” isn't the same for everyone.

You might be:

• watching money disappear without knowing where its going,

• earning great money but seeing your expenses rise too,

• or feeling like everyone else can manage money, except you.

If you can see yourself here, you’re not alone and more importantly, there’s are things you can do to change how you feel about money.

It's started with mom and dad

How did your parents talk about money when you were little?

Did they save everything and spend nothing?

Did money cause fights or was it simply not talked about?

What did they say about "rich" people?

These aren't questions you're thinking about every day but those early experiences have shaped how you think, feel and behave with money today.

Its not just numbers

On the surface, money looks logical, it’s numbers in and out.

But money carries emotion, meaning, values and identity.

Those yoga clothes might give you hope that you'll finally sleep better. The childrens clothes might make you feel like a good parent and the dog toy reassures you that you're looking after someone you love.

The interesting question isn't simply what did I buy? but what did that purchase give me?

Your relationship with money is shaped by your capacity to handle your emotions and thinking and then take the appropriate action

That includes your capacity to receive and hold money, make decisions, tolerate uncertainty, become more visible, grow your income, regulate your emotions and take action.

Any negative early experiences in the form of bullying, neglect, trauma and abuse can leave you overthinking, doubting yourself, avoiding your finances, feeling guilty when you spend or believing that whatever you do, it’s never “enough”.

You're not bad with money, your capacity to handle it has been impacted and it needs some help to improve.

The weight of “Getting It Right”

Ever felt like you're behind everyone else?

Your friends are buying houses, new cars and talking about promotions. The pressure is on to do money "properly".

"When I've figured out the perfect savings account, then I'll set it up."

Perfectionism affects your Decision Capacity. You compare yourself, doubt your judgement and wait until you feel certain.

But certainty never fully arrives and slowly time and inflation eat away at your savings.

When Life Feels Bigger Than Money

When you've felt emotionally overwhelmed for a long time, your Emotional and Action Capacity can begin to collapse.

Money gets pushed aside, not because it doesn’t matter, but because it feels too much to deal with.

Why Can't I Motivate Myself?

You know you should sort out your pension, cancel those subscriptions or look at the credit card statement.

You might even put it on your to do list.

Again.

So why don't you do it?

We often think motivation is about willpower, but we're more motivated when we believe our actions will make a difference and the outcome feels worth the effort.

If looking at your finances makes you feel ashamed, overwhelmed or convinced nothing you do will be enough, where's the motivation to start?

And if the reward (a happy retirement) is years away, while the sacrifice is today, (saying no to the holiday), your brain has another reason to choose what feels good now.

Sometimes you don't need more motivation. You need to make the action smaller, the outcome feel possible and the reason for doing it meaningful to you.

What Do I Believe About Myself?

“I’ve always been in debt.”

“I can’t save money.”

“I’ll never be able to afford a house.”

These aren't simply observations, they're statements about the type of person I am.

As long as you see yourself as someone who can't change, you'll stay stuck. Your Receiving and Growth Capacity can shrink because greater wealth or opportunity doesn't feel available to someone like you.

What Will People Say?

We care deeply about what others think because we are wired for belonging.

If success means risking judgement, rejection or criticism, your Visibility Capacity may keep you from charging more, being visible or allowing yourself to become successful.

So What Helps?

What’s needed is not simply more information, another spreadsheet or more willpower.

What helps is expanding your ability to handle money, slowly and safely. Understanding your emotions, taking smaller steps, rebuilding trust in yourself and accepting that uncertainty is normal.

Sometimes the problem isn't that you don't know what to do with money. It's that something is getting in the way of your capacity to do what you already know.

Because the goal is not perfection. It’s feeling calmer, clearer and more in control of money over time.

What to do next?

Carolyn Whitehouse is a Money Psychologist helping business owners to build financially healthy businesses and happy families. Connect with Carolyn on LinkedIn or Instagram.