How Does Financial Wounding And Trauma Occur?
Your relationship to money is established between the ages of 0-7 years old
It guides what consistent habits and behaviours you take to make money
It determines what goals you set and what you believe is possible
It contains your money stories, money blocks, beliefs, assumptions and vows
It determines how your body reacts to stress
Ultimately your Mindset determines how much money you will attract, receive and keep
In an ideal world everyone would develop an abundant mindset and be able to keep, receive and attract the money that they need and want, but for 48% of adults have experience an one or more Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE's) and that doesn't include the divorces, redundancies and other financial trauma's that adults face every day...
Which means that most of us have experienced some form of financial wounding or financial trauma
Sometimes, financial wounding can show up in sentences that begin with ‘I am …’, as you can see in this beautiful and eloquent video from Rikke Kjelgaard about how many of us struggle with these thoughts and feelings.
All of these statements impact our sense of power, possibility and potential when we come to take the actions needed to keep, attract and receive money
How Do You Know If You're Financially Wounded?
You'll say things like.....
" There's never enough money, time or energy "
" I don't have what it takes to be successful "
" I'm working really hard and getting nowhere "
" There's something wrong with me "
" I need other people to approve of me "
" I'm not good enough "
" I feel like I don't deserve anything good "
" I'm scared to go after what I want "
" I feel guilty or embarrassed about money "
" I should be better off by now "
Read More About Financial Wounding And Financial Trauma
The 5 Lies You've Been Told About Money
The 5 lies you’ve been told about money
As innocent children, you probably heard your parents repeat these 5 phrases about money, with so much conviction and certainty that you believed them to be the truth. Without questioning you absorbed these beliefs and over the course of your life I’m sure you’ve repeated them to others, without ever examining the “truth” that you’ve been sold. These beliefs can stay below your level of awareness, silently sabotaging your money-making progress, leaving you feeling frustrated, guilty and overwhelmed. That is until you found this article.
Before we get started I just want to reassure you that this isn’t a “bash your parents” moment either. Your parents did their best they could with the little financial education they had available to them. They absorbed these lies about money, just like you did, but very soon you’ll know better.
#1 - Money is the root of all evil
If you were brought up in a religious family like me, this lie is the one that keeps you wanting more money but afraid to have more. It’s the lie that keeps you small and ends any desires to make changes to your financial situation. It is the ultimate lie, and is actually a misquotation and an oversimplification. Money itself is neutral - it's the love of money above all else that can lead to evil actions according to biblical teachings. The truth is money is simply a tool. It’s the people who use it that determine whether it’s used for good or bad.
#2 - You’ve got to have money to make money
I heard this lie used brilliantly last week to explain why after 3 days of training the person couldn’t implement any of the tools and strategies they had learnt. When your financial situation is stretched and you don’t believe that it’s possible to change your relationship with money, this lie gives you the excuse to stay exactly where you are. “I haven’t got any money so I can’t make any money”, it’s the perfect demotivation. Instead of inspiring you to look for places to save money, investing that small amount and then letting compound interest work its magic, you do nothing. The truth is Warren Buffet is one of the richest men in the world because he started investing small amounts as a child. Small amounts of money are all you need to start making money
Lie #3 - Money doesn’t make you happy.
In 2010, Nobel-winning economist and psychologist Daniel Kahneman came out with the theory of a “happiness plateau”. Once you reached an annual household income level of £62,000 earning more money didn’t make you happier. Then in 2021, happiness researcher Matthew Killingsworth released a study that showed that the “happiness plateau” didn’t exist. The truth is a bit of both. If you are extremely unhappy, happiness seemingly does improve with household income up to £82,000, but then it levels off because there are some problems money can’t fix eg. relationships. For people who have higher levels of emotional wellbeing, happiness continues to increase with income and accelerates after income levels of £82,000. The truth being that money does make you happy to a point but continued happiness comes from relationships, purpose, and overall life balance.
Lie #4 - When I have more money I’ll feel successful
Until recently scientists believed that good decision-making and financial education were all that was required to make money but that’s no longer the case. Developments in neuroscience and biophysiology are now highlighting the pivotal role played by emotions and stress responses in financial dysregulation and the significant impact that emotions have on attracting, receiving and managing money. The lie is waiting until you have the money before you start acting and feeling successful (Have, Do Be), when the truth is when you feel successful (you change on the inside), do the things that successful people do, the money will show up (Be, Do, Have)
Lie 5 - You have to work hard for money
This lie, when deeply embedded, is the root cause behind the huge numbers of people suffering from anxiety, stress and burnout. It’s a lie that in times gone by worked well. Want to make more money from farming, plant more seeds. Want to have a bigger income, study harder and go to university. Selling your time for more money was the way so many previous generations had got ahead. Then the internet came along and blew that paradigm out of the water. The truth now is that celebrities can make millions in the time it takes them to record a video. What would you do differently if you knew you could earn more money with ease?
So what now?
You might be thinking, now I know the truth about these lies, what do I do next?
The next step is to create yourself an empowering belief that you can repeat whenever you find yourself falling back into believing the lie. It’s important to find a statement that you believe is true, so you may have to tweak it several times until it feels right for you but the key is to keep practicing it until saying the new statement feels as true to you as saying your name..
Here are some examples that you could use as a base to get going:
Making money is easy and effortless for me
I am successful right here and now
Money amplifies the good I bring into the world
My money and I are a work in progress. As I learn more about money I can do more with money
There are countless possibilities available to me to make more money
If you’d like to release these lies and achieve your true potential with money, then check out future newsletters where I'll be talking about "How money does grow on trees” and "Why mindset isn't the key to money manifestation”.
If you're ready to work on these lies directly, book a free 30 minute curiosity call to see what this would look like
How Have I Been Financially Wounded?
It's hard to say how you've been financially wounded because:
It all feels very familiar, these feelings, beliefs, behaviours and perceptions have a long history
The feelings are resistant to change, you can’t talk yourself out of them and no amount of training, hard work and education fixes it
Part of you knows that your feelings are irrational but that doesn’t help
Sometimes it feels as though much younger parts of yourself are ‘driving the bus’ and pulling you in different directions
You keep doing the same unhelpful things, getting the same financial results
If some (or all) of this resonates with you, I might be able to help
You were born to succeed!
If we are loved, valued, and protected as children, we will thrive in all areas of our lives
And these feelings become the foundation of our money mindset
If those qualities are in short supply, we learn quickly to work hard to get what we need....NOT WHAT WE WANT
Even if we grow up in loving homes, we might still get the idea that there is something wrong with us or bad about us. You don’t have to have abusive parents to feel there's something missing but because we only have our own experience to go on, that's our "normal".
Unfortunately, when we grow older and start our own businesses, those same unconscious thoughts, feelings, and behaviours come with us, whether we need them or not.
Time won't heal the feelings
Eventually, we might realise that something is wrong, when we keep struggling to raise our prices, do our taxes or ask for money. Other people seem to be able to keep, attract or receive more money than we do, and we start to look for ways to feel better
.
When we read business or self-help books, we might be inspired, but nothing changes
Talking about our problems often makes us feel worse
We might understand logically what happened, but that doesn’t seem to help us change who we are or how we feel NOW.
If time hasn’t already healed what is troubling you, more time is probably not going to heal it either.
The way our brains and minds work means that our early financial wounding is likely to affect us financially for years to come. Our old emotional patterns will repeat themselves time after time. Our inner critics will never tire and shame never seems to go away.
That’s not your fault. That’s just what our brains and minds do
.
You have tried to soothe the symptoms. Using TV, social media, eating, drinking, shopping for marketing courses or business coaches, and all the other soothing possibilities we have. The symtoms go away for a while, but they always come back when the soothing wears off.
You could try to avoid the problem, but by doing that your business doesn't grow. If you don’t think about it perhaps it will go away, but everytime you look at your bank account, it's there. Everytime you know you should make a call to a potential client, its there.
To reduce that suffering, you must undo the way your mind and brain created those problems, or they will continue.
The only way to solve the problem is to heal the financial wounding
It's NOT Your Fault!
Many people find it difficult to admit to themselves and others that they are struggling with financial issues. They may even feel ashamed that they have these difficulties or even believe they deserve to suffer.
Feelings of guilt and shame can make it difficult for them to look for help and choose someone to trust with their distress.
Because financial wounding is so long-lasting and pervasive, many people believe there is nothing they can do to change them.
There are good reasons why these kinds of problems are so entrenched and difficult to change. They are part of our body’s and brain’s built-in response to stress.
It’s not our fault; it’s the way we work.
But new therapeutic approaches can help change those responses and ease those problems.
When we can heal this financial wounding/trauma, we can change for the better in ways that we might find hard to imagine.
Are You Ready To Change?
Power
Possibility
Potential
Discover your true power to change your financial health and wellbeing. Claim your self-worth as you meet your financial needs and transform your relationship with money
Discover what is truly possible for you once you release and resolve those life experiences that have overwhelmed, disappointed or hurt you
Feel your motivation, confidence, purpose and focus improve as you begin to build bigger dreams from your clarity, creativity and vision
What Other People Say...
"After the first couple of sessions (all on zoom) I felt a sense of peace and self acceptance that I hadn't for years. My habits and behaviour around money have positively improved but the biggest freedom I feel is a release from past trauma.
I highly recommend starting with a discovery chat with Carolyn - and if you feel the nudge to work with her, follow that instinct and know you will become better equipped with tools and habits to serve you going forward in life.." - Joanne
"I had an illuminating & fun EFT business session with Carolyn - it's amazing how 'simple words' can attach feelings to them that may interfere with our lives (not just in our business). Let's just say - the possibilities have now become a big green tick for the future! Thanks Carolyn." - Chloe
"After experiencing a traumatic incident of my own, Carolyn had me back in a calm and serene state, where I was able to easily control my own emotions again.
If you are someone who has experienced any kind of trauma in your life, I can wholeheartedly recommend Carolyn as the ‘go-to’ expert, who will help you overcome whatever it is you have experienced." - Phil
Carolyn Whitehouse - Financial Psychologist * Budgeting Coach* Speaker * Author
Carolyn Whitehouse is a Financial Psychologist, Budgeting Coach, Speaker and Author who supports ambitious and sensitive business owners to let go of self-doubt, charge their worth and release their fear of money. Carolyn’s heart-led approach combined with her unique Abundance Activator Framework, encourages her clients to discover their values, beliefs and stories around money, whilst releasing their financial wounds and trauma's. Drawing from personal money struggles when starting her own business, Carolyn combines her life-long passion for psychology and economics, with trauma-informed healing techniques, supporting clients in workshops, group programmes and working 1:1. She specialises in bringing order, balance and harmony to your bank account
Rewire Your Money, 17, Castledown Business Park, Tidworth Road, Lugershall, SP11 9AX, United Kingdom
Email: hello@carolynrwhitehouse.com
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