How Does Financial Wounding And Trauma Occur?
Your relationship to money is established between the ages of 0-7 years old
It guides what consistent habits and behaviours you take to make money
It determines what goals you set and what you believe is possible
It contains your money stories, money blocks, beliefs, assumptions and vows
It determines how your body reacts to stress
Ultimately your Mindset determines how much money you will attract, receive and keep
In an ideal world everyone would develop an abundant mindset and be able to keep, receive and attract the money that they need and want, but for 48% of adults have experience an one or more Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE's) and that doesn't include the divorces, redundancies and other financial trauma's that adults face every day...
Which means that most of us have experienced some form of financial wounding or financial trauma
Sometimes, financial wounding can show up in sentences that begin with ‘I am …’, as you can see in this beautiful and eloquent video from Rikke Kjelgaard about how many of us struggle with these thoughts and feelings.
All of these statements impact our sense of power, possibility and potential when we come to take the actions needed to keep, attract and receive money
How Do You Know If You're Financially Wounded?
You'll say things like.....
" There's never enough money, time or energy "
" I don't have what it takes to be successful "
" I'm working really hard and getting nowhere "
" There's something wrong with me "
" I need other people to approve of me "
" I'm not good enough "
" I feel like I don't deserve anything good "
" I'm scared to go after what I want "
" I feel guilty or embarrassed about money "
" I should be better off by now "
Read More About Financial Wounding And Financial Trauma
Love and Money: 4 Financial Blocks That Could Be Hurting Your Business and Relationships
Love and Money: 4 Financial Blocks That Could Be Hurting Your Business and Relationships
Money is one of the leading causes of stress in relationships, and for entrepreneurs and small business owners, the stakes can be even higher. Your business is not just your livelihood—it’s your passion, your dream, and often a significant part of your identity. When financial challenges arise (as they will do) it’s important to have worked out a plan of action in advance to minimise the strain on romantic relationships, friendships, and even family ties.
Talking about money isn’t a very British thing to do but recent research suggests that 1 in 3 Gen Z’s and millennials say they would talk about money early on in their relationships. It’s good to see things changing but for most of my clients in the 45+ age group there’s a lot more resistance to talking about money full stop without the intricacies of who does what. Many couples who run businesses together or financially support each other’s entrepreneurial dreams can find themselves in difficult conversations where unspoken expectations and financial habits lead to conflict, disappointment, resentment and ultimately divorce, if not addressed openly and early on.
So money and love go together even if we don’t recognise or admit it.
4 Money / Love Blocks You May Have
The Money-Identity Trap – Many entrepreneurs equate business success with self-worth. When money is tight or contributions to the household kitty are uneven or irregular, feelings of inadequacy can seep into your personal relationships, creating tension, resentment and self-doubt.
Risk Tolerance Mismatches – Having different risk tolerances can cause tension especially when the partner with the stable employment, is supporting the entrepreneurial endeavour of their partner. Being a Saver married to a Spender can create all kinds of irritants, leading to arguments and buried resentments if not managed proactively.
Blurred Financial Boundaries – Did you sit down and establish your financial boundaries before you became a couple? Going into a relationship with blurred financial boundaries create stress and resentment, especially if both partners aren’t aligned on their financial goals. Thinking through possible events such as redundancy, inheritance or family members asking for money before it happens, can make sure that you’re both on the same page.Be aware that financial trauma may make it challenging to have these conversations and professional help may be required
Scarcity Mindset – Having one partner with a growth mindset whilst the other has a scarcity mindset and is constantly worrying about money can put stress on the relationship. Entrepreneurs with a scarcity mindset can find switching off from work challenging and make it hard to appreciate and enjoy financial success when it does come.
What to do
1. Open and Honest Communication
Regular money dates are essential. Set aside time for financial check-ins where both partners can share concerns, goals, and expectations. Transparency about business finances prevents surprises and builds trust. This is especially important if money hasn’t been a regular topic of communication in the relationship or there have been any secrets, lies or financial infidelity
2. Set Clear Financial Boundaries
Discussing possible outcomes (good and bad) before they happen, helps you to define what financial support for the business might be needed ahead of time and agree what that looks like. If personal savings are being used to fund business expenses, agree on limits and expectations in advance to avoid resentment later.
3. Align Risk Tolerances
Discuss how much financial risk each partner is comfortable taking and develop plans for saving, spending and investments that respects both perspectives. Compromise, compassion and empathy are the keys to ensuring neither partner feels overwhelmed by financial stress or anxiety. Be aware that financial trauma may be impacting individual risk tolerances (overspending, overgiving, financial infidelity and workaholism can be triggers for previous trauma’s) and that professional help may be needed to make permanent changes.
4. Separate Business and Personal Finances
Having conversations ahead of time about maintaining or separating distinct accounts for personal and business expenses, helps prevent financial entanglements that can lead to relationship strain. Agreeing who is responsible for what in terms of household expenses, children’s hobbies etc, minimises resentment and fear and is especially important in blended families where multiple expectations can place more strain on finances and relationships
5. Invest in Financial Education Together
Learning about financial management, investing, and entrepreneurship together can build love and trust in your relationship and your business. Attending self-development, relationship and financial courses, such as budgeting, investments and financial planning can give you a joint focus for communication on your monthly money dates
6. Celebrate Financial Wins
Amidst the challenges of running a business, take time to celebrate milestones, whether it’s securing a new client, hitting a money goal, or simply maintaining stability through the ups and downs of running a business. Celebrating together brings you closer together and fosters positivity in both your business and personal relationships.
Conclusion
Love and money are inseparable aspects of life, and for small business owners, the intersection of the two can be particularly complex. By identifying the interface between your relationship and your finances and implementing strategies to navigate money-related stressors, entrepreneurs can build both a thriving business and a fulfilling personal life. With clear communication, boundaries, and shared financial goals, love and business can coexist harmoniously, leading to greater personal and professional success.
Yay!
How Have I Been Financially Wounded?
It's hard to say how you've been financially wounded because:
It all feels very familiar, these feelings, beliefs, behaviours and perceptions have a long history
The feelings are resistant to change, you can’t talk yourself out of them and no amount of training, hard work and education fixes it
Part of you knows that your feelings are irrational but that doesn’t help
Sometimes it feels as though much younger parts of yourself are ‘driving the bus’ and pulling you in different directions
You keep doing the same unhelpful things, getting the same financial results
If some (or all) of this resonates with you, I might be able to help
You were born to succeed!
If we are loved, valued, and protected as children, we will thrive in all areas of our lives
And these feelings become the foundation of our money mindset
If those qualities are in short supply, we learn quickly to work hard to get what we need....NOT WHAT WE WANT
Even if we grow up in loving homes, we might still get the idea that there is something wrong with us or bad about us. You don’t have to have abusive parents to feel there's something missing but because we only have our own experience to go on, that's our "normal".
Unfortunately, when we grow older and start our own businesses, those same unconscious thoughts, feelings, and behaviours come with us, whether we need them or not.
Time won't heal the feelings
Eventually, we might realise that something is wrong, when we keep struggling to raise our prices, do our taxes or ask for money. Other people seem to be able to keep, attract or receive more money than we do, and we start to look for ways to feel better
.
When we read business or self-help books, we might be inspired, but nothing changes
Talking about our problems often makes us feel worse
We might understand logically what happened, but that doesn’t seem to help us change who we are or how we feel NOW.
If time hasn’t already healed what is troubling you, more time is probably not going to heal it either.
The way our brains and minds work means that our early financial wounding is likely to affect us financially for years to come. Our old emotional patterns will repeat themselves time after time. Our inner critics will never tire and shame never seems to go away.
That’s not your fault. That’s just what our brains and minds do
.
You have tried to soothe the symptoms. Using TV, social media, eating, drinking, shopping for marketing courses or business coaches, and all the other soothing possibilities we have. The symtoms go away for a while, but they always come back when the soothing wears off.
You could try to avoid the problem, but by doing that your business doesn't grow. If you don’t think about it perhaps it will go away, but everytime you look at your bank account, it's there. Everytime you know you should make a call to a potential client, its there.
To reduce that suffering, you must undo the way your mind and brain created those problems, or they will continue.
The only way to solve the problem is to heal the financial wounding
It's NOT Your Fault!
Many people find it difficult to admit to themselves and others that they are struggling with financial issues. They may even feel ashamed that they have these difficulties or even believe they deserve to suffer.
Feelings of guilt and shame can make it difficult for them to look for help and choose someone to trust with their distress.
Because financial wounding is so long-lasting and pervasive, many people believe there is nothing they can do to change them.
There are good reasons why these kinds of problems are so entrenched and difficult to change. They are part of our body’s and brain’s built-in response to stress.
It’s not our fault; it’s the way we work.
But new therapeutic approaches can help change those responses and ease those problems.
When we can heal this financial wounding/trauma, we can change for the better in ways that we might find hard to imagine.
Are You Ready To Change?
Power
Possibility
Potential
Discover your true power to change your financial health and wellbeing. Claim your self-worth as you meet your financial needs and transform your relationship with money
Discover what is truly possible for you once you release and resolve those life experiences that have overwhelmed, disappointed or hurt you
Feel your motivation, confidence, purpose and focus improve as you begin to build bigger dreams from your clarity, creativity and vision
What Other People Say...
"After the first couple of sessions (all on zoom) I felt a sense of peace and self acceptance that I hadn't for years. My habits and behaviour around money have positively improved but the biggest freedom I feel is a release from past trauma.
I highly recommend starting with a discovery chat with Carolyn - and if you feel the nudge to work with her, follow that instinct and know you will become better equipped with tools and habits to serve you going forward in life.." - Joanne
"I had an illuminating & fun EFT business session with Carolyn - it's amazing how 'simple words' can attach feelings to them that may interfere with our lives (not just in our business). Let's just say - the possibilities have now become a big green tick for the future! Thanks Carolyn." - Chloe
"After experiencing a traumatic incident of my own, Carolyn had me back in a calm and serene state, where I was able to easily control my own emotions again.
If you are someone who has experienced any kind of trauma in your life, I can wholeheartedly recommend Carolyn as the ‘go-to’ expert, who will help you overcome whatever it is you have experienced." - Phil
Carolyn Whitehouse - Financial Psychologist * Budgeting Coach* Speaker * Author
Carolyn Whitehouse is a Financial Psychologist, Budgeting Coach, Speaker and Author who supports ambitious and sensitive business owners to let go of self-doubt, charge their worth and release their fear of money. Carolyn’s heart-led approach combined with her unique Abundance Activator Framework, encourages her clients to discover their values, beliefs and stories around money, whilst releasing their financial wounds and trauma's. Drawing from personal money struggles when starting her own business, Carolyn combines her life-long passion for psychology and economics, with trauma-informed healing techniques, supporting clients in workshops, group programmes and working 1:1. She specialises in bringing order, balance and harmony to your bank account
Rewire Your Money, 17, Castledown Business Park, Tidworth Road, Lugershall, SP11 9AX, United Kingdom
Email: hello@carolynrwhitehouse.com
2024 Carolyn Whitehouse. All Rights Reserved. Do not duplicate or distribute without permission
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